my lover's gone
by schala zeal
Summary: cloud's thoughts on his lost lover... rated R for language and yaoi themes. Not a lemon though!


..::my lover's gone::...   
  
written by :: schala zeal 

Disclaimer :: I do not own any of the characters in this fic, nor do I own the song "My lover's gone." Cloud, Zack, and FF7 belong to the very rich Squaresoft. The song belongs the also very rich Dido. Me? I'm just a poor, college student... 

I'm actually not a big fan of yaoi, but my girlfriend loves this couple and has a wonderful shrine to them, so I decided to write a fic for her. I'm actually a CloTi! XD 

Anyways, please review! I'll love you forever! But be gentle...   
  
  
  
The air smelled of fresh, morning dew. Al slight breeze carressed my pale skin. Vaguely, things slowly begin to come back to me... The clanging of the swords... the gunshots... the screams... I tried to get up. I swear, I tried... but I was so weak, so very weak... 

The day is much like it was _that_ day... The day I lost him, my life... 

I kneel on the earthen floor as the breeze, that same damned breeze... mingled with new dawn and old blood..., toussels my stiff, blond tresses, cooling the hot tear that rolls slowly down my cheek. 

It's than that I realized Im mourning for you... I'm mourning for you, Zack... Sitting here, crying like a baby over your gravesite... Took me two, fucking years, but I've finally come... Come to say goodbye. Maybe I'm too late, but... but I think I'd hate myself if I didn't at least make an effort to tell you how much you meant and still do mean to me... 

******************************************************** 

A thin trail of blood trickled down Zack Knightblade's face, mingling with the sweat that lingered on his calloused skin. He felt the weight of the Buster Sword in his hands... Weighing him down... 

He could feel himself giving in to the fatigue, praying that death would take its toll on him quickly and swiftly, when out of the corner of his eye he saw something... 

A broken, weary, physically and mentally ill blond soldier, writhing on the ground while clutching his spikey head in agony... 

He was Zack's reason to live. 

With a cry of rage, the ex-SOLDIER lunged forward, cutting down each and every one of those damned, ShinRa bastards that dared to even THINK of threatening Cloud's life. 

"Fucking bastards..." Zack hissed as he gazed scornfully at the pile of bodies at his feet. "You think I'd let you hurt him? Well, you were fucking stupid then..." 

Exhausted, the raven-haired, young man let himself slump down beside his incapacitated lover. 

"Heh... Damn, Cloud, I never thought I'd come to this..." Zack let his face drift to gaze up at the sky, the light of the new dawn reflecting on his upturned face. "I had such dreams... Such aspirations... I wanted to be so much... I wanted to become someone..." He laughed bitterly. "Well, I guess you could say I succeeded... We are among the most wanted men in the world right now, you know." That familiar, sarcastic twinkle shone in Zacks' blue eyes as he turned his head to smile down at Cloud. However, that quickly faded into something that was rare for Zack... a serious expression stole over his dirty, battle-hardened face. "You know, Cloud... they're gonna send more guys after us, and I don't know if I'll make it outta this alive, but I will be DAMNED if I let them hurt you... So don't you worry about a thing." A gloved hand reached down to gently carress the unconcious boy's face as he slept. "I ain't too good at saying this kinda thing, but... Cloud... I love you. From the bottom of my heart. From the second I saw you, I swear all those past flings...they seemed to fade away... I wanted you and nobody else. You see, that's why I'm gonna protect you... Because you, Cloud Strife, are the one thing I've ever truly loved..." 

Footsteps became evident in the distance to Zack's atuned SOLDIER senses. It wasn't going to be long now... 

"I gotta go now, Cloud. You hold on, you hear me? Don't ever give up!" Zack's voice shook as the tears began to spill down his cheeks. "Dammit, promise me, Cloud! I mean it! Don't you ever forget me now, okay? I'll... I'll fucking come back to haunt you! You know I will!" 

The soldiers were close now... 

"I love you..." Zack whispered hoarsely, leaning over to kiss Cloud's motionless lips one, last time... 

Though it all remained a blur in his mind, Zack heard the squad enter the clearing, cocking their rifles... aiming... 

He vaguely recalled standing up... Slowly... He was a shield... a knight... Yes, that was it... He would be Cloud's knight... 

Zack could barely feel the bullets that tore into his flesh... It was all so surreal... Yet, he would not falter; he would not fall. He would not let Cloud die... 

_This is it, Cloud. I'm gonna have to go for a while. You better take care of yourself... And never, ever forget... that I love you._

And when the fire ceased... it was over... It was finally over... 

******************************************************** 

_my lover's gone_

After what seemed like an endless night, dawn broke over the blood-stained earth of that one, solitary cliff on the outskirts of Midgar... The light that shone on the forgotten earth revealed dozens of dead, ShinRa soldiers littering the ground. 

_his boots no longer by my door_

But one stood out... at least, in the weary eyes of the tortured, forgotten Cloud Strife who surveyed the carnage, he did... 

_and as I slept I felt him go_

His deep, raven-colored hair hung in limp spikes down his back, strands of it abscuring his ashen face. Countless numbers of bullet wounds scarred his beautiful form... Through his neck... His stomach... His head... And by his side was an enormous sword, its steel blade stained with the blood of both its wielder and that of the corpses that surrounded him. 

_returns no more... I will not watch the ocean... my lover's gone_

For what seemed to be ages, Cloud stared at the man, feeling as though he should somehow know him... and by some cruel act of Fate, he didn't... and that, the knowledge that he could not remember who this pitiable soul was, drove him to tears... 

_no earhtly ships will ever bring him home again_

Cloud was not aware of how long he spent sobbing over this fallen warrior, clutching his battered body to his chest as he wept bitterly. 

_bring him home again..._

But there was a voice... a voice that echoed throughout his very soul... One that he would never forget for as long as he lived... 

"This is it, Cloud... I'm gonna have to go for a while. You better take care of yourself... and never, ever forget that I love you..." 

************************************************************ 

Dammit, Zack! Why, when I finally remember how much you mean to me, did you have to go and be dead? WHY?!! Why does everything I love have to die... Why... I just want to know why... 

I cry... Gods, how I cry... I want you to be here for me... To hold me... to tell me you love me... But I'll never he in your arms again... I'll never hear your voice again... I'll never see that cocky, little grin of yours that you'd flash whenever I'd give in to you... 

You're really not coming back, are you, Zack? You really are gone... Dammit... DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! 

I love you... I love you... Gods how I love you... Why... why does it have to be this way..? 

I... I know I gotta go on... but I'm so scared. I don't want to go on... Not without you... 

Please... somehow... be near me, Zack... I love you... 

_no earthly ships will ever bring... him home... again..._   
  
  
  
Copyrighted by [schala][1]   
  
the lyrics used in the story are from Dido's "My lover's gone" song. I did not write them! Please don't sue me!!!   
  
~schala 

   [1]: mailto:schala@antisocial.com



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